Jetting Through Life: June 2006

Friday Funny (v.28)

Happy Birthday "Dolly"

Five years ago today at 10:11PM you were bore into this world... After 32 hours of labor, I was relieved of the stresses of pregnancy and faced with the fear of being a parent.

Every year gets harder for me to wish you a Happy Birthday as I don't know if I will be given the chance to wish another child or sibling of mine/yours the same wishes. So I look at your milestones as my first and last.

You have been a great child and have made me laugh and cry. You bring out the best in me. I will say after 5 years it hasn't got any harder or any easier. You challenge me and my thought processes daily. You make be proud when you think outside the box. With the way you think, you will get very far in life. Your mind is constantly on overdrive.

Today I want to wish you a very Happy Birthday Em!! May you be all that you aspire to be.

Love you,

Mom

Warm and Fuzzy???

The first time I saw this I about lost it with laughter! It's hilarious no matter which way you cut it.

Enjoy!!

Spooning Around

A few weeks ago my daughter and I were getting ready to have cereal for breakfast. As I put the cereal into the bowls I asked her to get us some spoons. A few moments later she returns to the table sets the spoons down and says,

"Here Mom. Here's a BIG spoon for a BIG mouth!".

My mouth dropped and I had not a clue how to react other than with laughter! Oh the honesty in our youth...

Friday Funny (v.27)

Hmmmm... Wonder what was going on last night???

Loony Lawsuits

TRESPASSER TRIPPED UP IN COURT

When a man let his two dogs out of his house, they began chasing something and ran across neighbor's property. When the dog owner chased his dogs over the neighbor's property, he injured himself when he stepped into a snow-covered fence post hole and fell. He sued the property owner for negligence. The Appeals Court agreed with the lower court's decision to dismiss the case saying that since the man was trespassing, the owner of the property was not required to make sure his property was safe from people falling in the snow-covered hole.

INMATE BLAMES STATE FOR HIS FLATULENCE, THEN SUES

According to a Michigan Assistant Attorney General testifying before the Michigan Senate Judiciary Committee, frivolous prisoner lawsuits are overburdening state and federal courts. In Case No. 9650302, a prisoner sued the state blaming the food in prison for his flatulence problem. The Attorney General's Office estimates the annual cost of defending the state against frivolous prisoner lawsuits to be several million dollars, all paid for by the state taxpayer.

ARSONISTS SUE FOR INSURANCE BENEFITS AFTER BEING DENIED COVERAGE FOR DAMAGES THEY CAUSED TO NEIGHBORING BUILDING

Two Alpena, Michigan men set an arson fire in their store with the hope of collecting insurance money. They admitted that they intended to simply have a small, smokey fire that would damage their inventory, which apparently wasn't selling very well, so they could collect on their insurance policy. However, when the fire spilled over into the adjoining store, the men sued the insurance company. They argued that they set the fire in their own store, but that the fire next door was accidental and therefore they should receive coverage for the damage to the other building. A panel of the state Court of Appeals amazingly reversed the trial court's decision to dismiss this ridiculous case, but the Michigan Supreme Court, in a unanimous decision, eventually reversed the Court of Appeals and ruled that the fire "cannot be characterized as an accident."

DRUNKEN PARTIER SUES POLICE FOR NOT ARRESTING HER

After a police officer decided not to take an intoxicated woman into custody, she sued him. She admitted that she could not remember most of the events that night, only that she was too drunk to drive (she also admitted that she was too drunk to rely on any promises possibly made by the officer). This case was dismissed by a lower court, and the Appeals Court agreed, ruling that the police officer had no duty to place her in protective custody.

SPILLED COFFEE LEADS TO LAWSUIT AGAINST POPULAR MICHIGAN TRAVEL STOP

Oasis Truck Stop, a popular travel stop located at the intersection of M59 and US23 in Hartland, was sued by a customer who spilled coffee on herself. The makers of the coffee machine and coffee mug were also sued. The customer's lawyer claimed the coffee was too hot, yet the temperature of the coffee was shown to be exactly what it should have been according to accepted industry standards. Amazingly, a panel of "objective" mediators appointed by the court suggested a settlement that would have rewarded the customer with $62,500. Later, a jury found the defendants not guilty of any negligence and awarded zero dollars, but only after considerable cost to the defendants.

WOMAN SUES CHILD AFTER ICE SKATING COLLISION

A 12 year old girl was skating at a public ice rink in Berkley, Michigan when she ran into another skater and knocked her down causing a knee injury to the fallen skater. The injured woman sued the girl. The trial court dismissed the case saying that the child's manner was not reckless. The trial court stated that the accident occurred during an open skating session at the ice rink and that there are certain risks that must be assumed by participants in recreational activities, especially on ice which is in itself dangerous because of its slippery and hard nature. Sadly, a panel of the Court of Appeals reversed the trial court decision and allowed the case to go to trial. Fortunately for the girl and her family, the Supreme Court reversed the Court of Appeals stating that "When one combines the nature of ice with the relative proximity of skaters of various abilities, a degree of risk is readily apparent..."

HOMEOWNER SUES SAYING: "THIS DUST IS TRESPASSING!"

A Michigan couple sued the owners of a nearby business claiming that dust, noise and vibrations invaded their property and therefore were trespassing. A jury actually found in their favor, but a Court of Appeals panel overturned the jury's verdict. The Appeals court stated that noise, vibrations and dust are intangible objects and can not be considered as trespassers.

HOMEOWNERS SUED BY CLEANING LADY WHO MISTAKES FIRECRACKER FOR A CANDLE

A woman from Grand Haven, Michigan filed a lawsuit for more than $25,000 after she was injured by a firecracker she took from a condominium that she had cleaned. While dining later with friends at a restaurant, the woman lit the firecracker claiming that she mistakenly thought it was a decorative candle. The explosion resulted in severe injuries to the woman. She sued the owners of the condo for leaving the firecracker behind without a warning on it. The condo owners said that they had placed the device, which looks like a "huge firecracker," in a cupboard to keep it away from the children after someone left it at their house after a party.

BOWLER'S LAWSUIT IS A REAL TURKEY

A woman sued a bowling alley claiming she slipped and fell on an icy pothole which resulted in a disc herniation. She claimed no previous back problems, but her medical records showed numerous lower back problems over the past 10 years, and she was diagnosed with lumbar radiculitis the previous year. Bowling alley league records proved that she completed the remaining 14 WEEKS of the season after the alleged fall. In addition, a meteorologist testified that weather conditions for that day could not have formed ice. A jury determined that the bowling alley was not at fault.

COLLEGE STUDENT INJURED BY JOCK SUES THE COLLEGE DEAN

A college student who was attacked by a student-athlete sued the dean of judicial affairs for negligence. The student-athlete had previously attacked two other people and, because of this, the victim claimed that the dean should have known of the athlete's violent tendencies. The Appeals Court ruled that the trial court was correct in dismissing the case because there is no existing special relationship between athletes on scholarship and an associate dean of student judicial affairs. The Court stated that the defendant was entitled to costs and attorney fees since the victim's lawsuit was "vexatious and without any reasonable basis for a belief in its merit."

PASSENGER ON CITY BUS TRIES TO CASH IN AFTER MINOR ACCIDENT

In Detroit, a passenger on a city bus sued when the bus was rear-ended by a van, causing only a cracked taillight and split hose. The woman claimed she was thrown about the bus and injured. However, the bus driver testified that the air brakes where on and that the passengers boarding the bus did not move at the time of the collision. A Wayne County Circuit Court jury found no injury.

BASKETBALL PLAYER TRIPS ON ROCKS, SUES HOMEOWNER

During a pickup basketball game, a man tripped and fell over decorative rocks along a driveway where the basketball net was located. He then sued the homeowner. The injured man's friend testified that he had not only noticed the rocks but also pointed them out. The man denied seeing the rocks but admitted that if he had looked up he would have seen them. The trial court judge found that the property owner was not at fault since the rocks were open and obvious. The Court of Appeals agreed.

WOMAN IN WHEELCHAIR ROLLS INTO PARKING GATE, BUT HER LAWSUIT GETS WHEELED OUT OF COURT

While an employee of Hutzel Hospital was being pushed in a wheelchair through an entrance ramp that was not intended to be used by people in wheelchairs, she was struck in the head by a parking gate. The woman sued the makers of the gate for causing her closed head injuries and shoulder and neck pains. Other employees of the hospital stated that the ramp was not meant for wheelchairs and that there was a walkway next to the parking lot that accommodated wheelchairs. The jury found the maker of the gate not to be at fault.

SWINGSET MANUFACTURER SUED AFTER 20-YEAR OLD SWING BREAKS

A six year-old plaintiff was awarded nothing from an Oakland County jury for his lawsuit against a swing manufacturer that he alleged had a faulty design. The child allegedly fell off a swing at a public park because the seat was wobbly and loose. However the manufacturer testified that the swing was over twenty years old and that it had been altered, in particular the lock washers that kept the seat stable were missing.

I can not believe people are actually that "dumb" to think they'd have a snowball chance in hell to win any case with these cases!! Where is the common sense people?! Common sense!!!

Happy Father's Day!!

Happy Father's Day to all of the daddies out there... Without you none of us would be mommies!!

Here are some pictures that I am sure all of you Dads would get a kick out of. I am sure off the children in these pictures have made their Father's proud one way or another!!

Friday Funny (v.26)

How well do you get along with your neighbor??

Ok, ok... You can squeal now...

I have been wanting to write about this for six months now... For the last six months I was planning a surprise birthday party for my hubby "T". And now it has finally come and gone!!

He just turned 30 this past week and he really wanted to get a Harley for his birthday, but other things are more important as far as financial responsibilites go. And thankfully, he realized that. So, the theme of his party was all motorcycles.

Admittedly, I don't want him to get a bike as I want him to be around for awhile. It scares the total shit out of me when I see men/women on bikes. And I have known a few people who have got injured badly in accidents. So I guess those memories are etched in my mind. I digress, as usual.

In January I told "T", that I would need to save up "X" amount of money by May 31st, but I couldn't tell him what it was for. He bugged me about it for a bit then just let it go and seemingly forgot about it, thank goodness! Then away I began to plan for the party... Two months later "T" says, I don't want a party for my birthday. Um... TOO LATE!

I had two of my girlfriends help me out with the brains to put this thing together. My girlfriend Val helped me put together the wording of the invitation while April helped me find a cheap printer and find good places to order party supplies. Both of them helped me out more than they will know, thank you.

With most of the things I ordered I had to borrow my mother-in-laws credit card and pay for stuff out of her checkbook so my hubby wouldn't know where the money was going. Talk about feeling helpless, but it worked out, thankfully.

My best friend flew in from Wisconsin and we had another quick visit running around town. Errands galore! I put 250 miles on my truck in one day!!! So I was exhausted. My excuse for being gone during one day was we just went shopping. Then the second day we were going to Babies 'R Us to do her baby registry and purchase some items as she is expecting in early October. It was so nice to see her and I am glad she was able to be here!

With all of the build-up of the party, the day of, I woke up sick! I was pissed! I couldn't believe with all of my planning that I couldn't fully enjoy my day that I had worked so hard to for. But I drugged myself up on Sudafed, Benadryl and Tylenol.

I was able to get a good deal on the meat, $1.00 a pound. I didn't get an entire pig as I didn't want to mess with disposing of the carcus. So, we just had very little waste. My hubby's friend George took care of the pig, which tasted very good. Everyone had something good to say about it. So that was nice to hear! And reassuring for next time!

For party favors I made up bags consisting of candy, police whistles and motorcycle magnets that said "Dream on...". For the kids I had a pig pinata filled with about 4 pounds of candy. It was fun as the birthday boy enjoyed himself as well!

All in all, our weather turned out really nice which I can't complain about. When my hubby came to the house, he thought he was going golfing he had a look of "Oh, god" on his face. But he handled it well. He seemed really surprised and happy that I did something for him. I walked up to him and gave him a big hug and had a sudden calm feeling come over me! It was zen-like to finally have all of my secrets washed away, within a single moment.

If I had to do it all over again I would... Thank you everyone for your help! We truly appreciate it!

Here's a picture of "T" and I, enjoying our day!!

Guest Post #3: Otilius

Here's another photo from the party...scroll down for more fun!

Guest Post #2: Otilius

Here's a shot from a party Wednesday evening in Manhattan...I had finished shooting for work and just had to shoot these gals for myself...

otilius

Guest Post: Otilius

Hello, otilius here. Melissa asked me to guest post today, so, you got stuck with me.
Since August 2005, I post photos of New York City and its environs on my photoblog, New York Nitty-Gritty.

In this photo from November 2005, we see the decay of a certain state of mind...and reinforcement of another...

Friday Funny (v.25)

This is a follow up from last weeks Friday Funny... Fun times at the beach! Perhaps I should frequent them more often? Seems like there are some pretty candid pictures or people?

Drive-Thru Quandries...

Why is it whenever I go to a Drive-Thru I get totally stupid?! I can't figure out what I want, ever. I ask the person politely to wait, and wait, and well you get the point. I stare at the menu with a blank face... And why is it that I always end up with a salad? I get overwhelmed with the choices....

Hamburger or cheeseburger?
Chicken or Grilled chicken?
Chicken fingers or chicken nuggets?

Do you want fries with that?

What did you want to drink?

What size?

Do you want to Super Size, Up Size?? SURE OF COURSE!! Give me excessive servings of everything so I can eat myself to 652 pounds!!

Salad is probably the best choice regardless! Geezus!! I get so overhwelmed! I miss the simple life!

Wacky Warning Labels

I recently came across these warning labels and thought they were worth sharing. It amazes me that people are actually that ignorant!! But if you think about it... These warnings wouldn't be on products unless "we" as the user actually attempted something stupid!!! I mean who would actually try some of these things? Aren't most of these common sense?? Are we all really a couple fries short of a Happy Meal?

A label on a baby stroller warns: “Remove child before folding."
A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed."
A popular scooter for children warns: "This product moves when used."
A nine-by three-inch bag of air used as packing material cautions: "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device."
A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene."
The label on an electric hand blender promoted for use in "blending, whipping, chopping and dicing," warns: "Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating."
A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."
A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn.”
A label on a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping.”
A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”
The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”
A smoke detector warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.”
A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.”
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place.”
An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks.”
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious.”
A 12-inch rack for storing compact disks warns: “Do not use as a ladder.”
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner.”
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use.”
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes.”
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”
A snowblower warns: “Do not use snowthrower on roof.”
A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”
A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.”

After reading through this list, collectively we are all idiots! These labels speak of our ignorant ways. We should all be proud of ourselves. The sad thing is, the people who prompted these labels are probably a few thousand dollars or more richer. Hmmm... now there's an idea!

Future Graduating Class 2019

Well... this past week my baby girl has graduated from Preschool... Where did the time go? She's so excited to start kindergarten. Em is in the middle in the red/pinkish gown. Don't ask me the difference between the colours, as I don't have a clue.

This is her after she got her "diploma". The head of her school announced the "graduates" as the future graduating class of 2019!!! Holy shit! That really makes me feel old!! I mean I will be telling my daughter that I graduated way back in the 1900's!

Lastly here's a picture of Em and I...

Friday Funny (v.24)

In light of traveling to some tropical place to say your I do's... All I can say is think twice!

Subscribe to: Comment Feed (RSS)