It amazes me how fear can effect so many in very different ways. Fear is such an explosive word only consisting of four-letters. Who would think that such a small word could mean so much?

The Merriam-Webster definition of fear states:
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English fer, from Old English f[AE]r sudden danger; akin to Old High German fAra ambush and perhaps to Latin periculum attempt, peril, Greek peiran to attempt
1 a : an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger b (1) : an instance of this emotion (2) : a state marked by this emotion
2 : anxious concern : SOLICITUDE
3 : profound reverence and awe especially toward God
4 : reason for alarm : DANGER
synonyms FEAR, DREAD, FRIGHT, ALARM, PANIC, TERROR, TREPIDATION mean painful agitation in the presence or anticipation of danger. FEAR is the most general term and implies anxiety and usually loss of courage . DREAD usually adds the idea of intense reluctance to face or meet a person or situation and suggests aversion as well as anxiety . FRIGHT implies the shock of sudden, startling fear . ALARM suggests a sudden and intense awareness of immediate danger . PANIC implies unreasoning and overmastering fear causing hysterical activity . TERROR implies the most extreme degree of fear . TREPIDATION adds to DREAD the implications of timidity, trembling, and hesitation .

Fear affects us at any age. It holds no boundaries of color, size, or gender. As humans we let fear consume us. We are often afraid to face our fear(s). Some have no choice to face their fear(s). One can be afraid of disease, water, heights, light, roller coasters, spiders or the dentist to name a few. The list goes on and on..... literally.

My daughter expressed her feelings of her fear she has last night. She is afraid to see her loved ones in pain. The sight of blood. A faint "ouch". An imbalance. She is the first person to show concern. She will try to console her special loved one.

I found it very difficult to console her as I know she is scared, but I don't know how to calm her nerves. I am going to be having surgery soon. The fact that she knows what will happening to me scares her. Knowing about her fear I scheduled an appointment for her to face her fear in a controlled environment. We are going to take a tour of a hospital. I hope it works and calms some of her nerves. I hope she knows that everything will be ok. I will be ok. But most importantly, she will be ok, and she will have an accomplished fear.

On*Star, thank you!

Today Em and I was over at my in-laws for a little bit. As we were preparing to leave I went out side to start my truck and my doors were locked with my keys sitting in the passenger seat along with my purse laughing at me. I looked at them both with a big sigh. Oh crap! Then a few seconds later I walked back into the house and said I will just call On*Star. I pay a monthly service for my SUV much like AAA, but a lot better, in my own opinion. I looked online for their 800 number and proceeded to call. They had a prompt for "emergency" situations. My lock-out is considered an emergency, even though it wasn't. The gal I talked to said she is going to try to attempt to unlock my SUV. She asked for my home phone number and my PIN number. I gave her the wrong number so she asked for additional information. She asked how many miles I have on my SUV, what dealership I purchased it from and lastly when it was last used. It was kinda freaky that On*Star knows all of this. They are Big Brother in the literal sense.

After the first attempt it did not work. She said she was going to send a second signal, but it would take 8 minutes for the satellite to what it had to do. If there was a third attempt they would call Road Side assistance to come and physically unlock my vehicle at zero charge. During the second and third attempt there was about a 15 minute duration where On*Star didn't call me back. I called them to get a better understanding of what was going on. They were trying to reconfigure my On*Star system. I got a call back stating the third attempt was unsuccessful so they would send out Road Side Assistance. I was transferred to another person and she asked for my location and said the average national response time for this service is an hour. She said I will receive a phone call confirming our conversation and if I had any questions I can call at any time. She did ask that I call after I have been unlocked and at a different location to test that it was the location I was at and not the actual On*Star system. She made sure to ask me if I was at a safe location. If I felt unsafe at all she would have sent local law enforcement until Road Side Assistance came to get me back into my vehicle. And as we closed our conversation she said, "I hope you have a better day." I chuckled because it wasn't your normal have a good day, she knew I was inconvenienced and she was very sympathetic about it.

Five minutes later I received an automated phone call of what company, their telephone number and their ETA. During the hour I waited I received updated automatic phone calls. When the locksmith was 20 minutes away I received a phone call. Then when they were 10 minutes away the locksmith actually called me told me where they were. They pulled in the driveway popped my lock within 5 minutes I signed their release form and we were good to go.

About 10 minutes later On*Star called to confirm they were there and everything was satisfactory.

I have zero complaints. On*Star's customer service was absolutely stellar. I haven't experienced such service in a very long time. Everyone I spoke with was very friendly and cordial over a stupid mistake I made. If I were to be in a true emergency I feel 100% comfortable that On*Star would take care of not only me, but my entire family to ensure their comfort and safety. I believe companies should look into the heart of their customer service and use On*Star as an example. On*Star will have me as a long time customer without a doubt. I will make it a point to purchase a GM vehicle to have this great service.

Looking for advice...

As part of my New Years Resolution I made it a conscious decision to think about everything that I say before it comes out over a keyboard or out of my mouth. So far I think I have been doing well. I have been really trying. There are times where I have lost my cool. I get too caught up in the moment and find myself very irritated in different situations. I get really pissy when I am asked about my personal life. It happens during the hours of 9 to 5. I don't like to share things with people that are not truly my friends. I don't want to be part of gossip. Period.

I want to learn or take suggestions from others on how to deal in those types of situations. I am willing to accept criticism, suggestions for reading or simply what you would do...


Yesterday an enormous storm blew into the Mid-West. In my morning commute it was slow going, but nothing out of the norm. I will admit I was a little scared though. I knew that once I got to work, I'd have to get home (somehow). Cleveland drivers have a hard time with weather conditions. If it's sunny, raining, snowy, etc. The only time there seems to be no trouble is when there are clouds covering the skies.

I had it stuck in my mind that I would be leaving around lunch to get home before all of the snow hit us. I then decided to stick it out until around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I then got a guilty conscious thinking I should stay. Our office finally decided to close at 4. I was out of there at a snail pace, but on the road nonetheless. It took me over an hour to get home which is normally a 20-25 minute commute, which isn't bad. Here's a Weather.com correspondent in downtown Cleveland this morning.

I pulled into my drive-way and basically got stuck in the snow. My garage is being used as a storage area at the moment while we are doing some remodeling in our basement so I have been parking outside for a few months. This is one of those days I wish I had the warmth of my own garage.

In some cities they declared a level 3 emergency, which means only emergency vehicles are allowed on the roadways. My office closed today. That never happens. I was trying to come up with a reasonable excuse not to come in and my boss called me and said not to come in. I was grateful. I didn't want to drive and put my life in some jerks hands to get to work. So thank you!! In our area there are 645 closings for schools and businesses. Check them out here.

Waking up this morning I looked outside my window and looked at my truck.... It's going to take a big 'ole shovel to get it out!

Today we will be digging out, making snow angels and sipping hot chocolate.

MY point of view...

All I have heard since 2:30ish yesterday was about Anna Nicole Smith suddenly dying. I didn't think I would write about her or this news, but what the hell.

My first reaction was shock... A reality star, millionaire, Play Boy Bunny(ie??)... What was her celebrity niche? I don't think any of us knew what she was. She was a seemingly crazy woman with a seemingly crazy life. She fit the stereo type of a blonde bimbo. She was such an air head. She whined when she talked. I don't think I have ever heard her talk with confidence anywhere while flipping through channels on the television over the years. Anna Nicole has been all over the damned news for years. Marrying her "grandfather", losing her "grandfather", fighting for billions of dollars for his inheritance... An E! Reality TV show, Trim Spa, her giving birth to her daughter, her son dying suddenly, paternity suits, and now her death.

Some say she had a rough life, I beg to differ... Hell this woman has been newsworthy since she was 26! She hasn't had a hard life. She has had it E-A-S-Y by comparison to those who really have had a rough/hard life.

In a way I believe she's better off... I speculate it was drug abuse, but I could be totally wrong. At least she can be in peace. The only bad thing is now she leaves behind a daughter of 5 months old who is going to go through all of this drama. Her poor little girl is going to have it rough until her paternity is settled, her mothers estate has been planned appropriately, and she has a place to call home.

We all should mourn Anna for a moment, but really focus concern on her daughter... God knows we don't want her turning out to be the typical party celebrities of today.

What if her son Danny is the babies father? It is sick and twisted, but who we are talking about. Is it too ironic that he died after the baby was born and she died as the walls started to cave in? Hmmmm....


I am supposed to be with you.
I am supposed to be surrounded by you and 20 others.
I am supposed to be looking at artifacts of our history together.
I am supposed to be looking at dinosaurs and learning the things you have learned.

I want to create memories with you.
I want to bond even more with you.
I want to meet and spend time with your friends.
I want to be that one mom that everyone else looks up to.
I wanted to play fun music in the car so you and your friends could enjoy it.
I wanted to take pictures of our time together.

I look out my office window thinking about what fun I could be having.
I look out my office window wanting to plan an escape.
I look out my office window looking at the blue sky wondering if you are having a good time.

I look out my office window thinking how can one-person guilt me over something other than my own child.

All of this now is a blip on the radar… This moment will soon be forgotten by most, including you. But this is a feeling of guilt I have that will last for a while…At least until I can make it up to you.

Football and crappy commercials

Last night we had a blast for the Super Bowl! We had our first Super Bowl party. It was so much fun. My hubby made his famous chili and "home made" wings. I made a few dips, cookies and brownies. There was plenty of drinks to go around... Some good friends and some family come over. They played video games until the game started. We missed the first 30 seconds of the game, thank god for TiVo! I was totally shocked the Bears returned the opening kick-off. I guess it could be a curse for football now after the Ohio State / Miami game.

Every Super Bowl I always look forward to the commercials. They are my most favorite thing if I don't like either team. For this particular game I just couldn't bring myself to root for the Bears when they have always been a rival of my favorite team, Green Bay Packers. By default I was rooting for Indianapolis. GO COLTS! Thankfully they won!

The commericals last night were pretty much worth a shit. The Snickers commercial was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. I don't think I can eat a Snickers bar ever again without thinking of that commerical. It's Lady and the Tramp gone bad, REAL bad! The next crappy commercial was the one with the Doritos and the check-out lady. EWWW... Chips are good to snack on, but not that good!

I believe CareerBuilder.com, FedEx, Nationwide and Budwiser had some pretty good commercials. Nationwide took the cake with Kevin Federline. The commercial with the crabs for Budweiser was awesome!! CareerBuilder made up for those freaky monkey commercials this year with a medieval theme of sorts to win promotion and a jungle atmosphere for a review.

All in all it was a crazy game... The rain made for a lot of turn-overs and kept one wondering what the heck was going to happen next. The commercials were mediocre at best.... It sucks the FCC has got in the way of the biggest advertising day in sports. All because of a wardobe malfunction. A nipple fell out... Big freaking deal!!

Our baby has a gender!

We finally know the gender of our baby... We are having a little girl!!

Here's baby Allison!