Anguish

I am supposed to be with you.
I am supposed to be surrounded by you and 20 others.
I am supposed to be looking at artifacts of our history together.
I am supposed to be looking at dinosaurs and learning the things you have learned.

I want to create memories with you.
I want to bond even more with you.
I want to meet and spend time with your friends.
I want to be that one mom that everyone else looks up to.
I wanted to play fun music in the car so you and your friends could enjoy it.
I wanted to take pictures of our time together.

I look out my office window thinking about what fun I could be having.
I look out my office window wanting to plan an escape.
I look out my office window looking at the blue sky wondering if you are having a good time.

I look out my office window thinking how can one-person guilt me over something other than my own child.

All of this now is a blip on the radar… This moment will soon be forgotten by most, including you. But this is a feeling of guilt I have that will last for a while…At least until I can make it up to you.