"Let down"

Today has been a really rough day for me... I am so angry, hurt, and sad I can't collect a coherent thought. I just want to scream, cry and throw something. I have been let down by a very close person to me three times in the past two months. Every pinnacle moment in my life in this short period of time (the birth of Allison, Allison's baptism, and Emily's birthday) is now affiliated with a bad memory. Right now I am speaking from the pain that is bellowing out of my bones and it will subside with pain and linger as a memory.

I just keep telling myself tomorrow is another day and this too shall pass.

"Her Cuteness"

Here are some new pictures I took of Allison over the past couple of days. I took them while she was sitting in my lap on her Boppy or her bouncy seat. She looks entirely thrilled Mommy has been in her face with the camera. Hey, I can't help it!


Highly irritating!

While I was pregnant I was offered all kinds of advice for my future child, I also had freaks trying to pet my stomach.

Now... as a parent with a new baby when in public I am constantly approached. It is nice the first few times, but everywhere I go? My daughter gets these oagling eyes from strangers. They want to touch her. Hell, I had a woman totally put her head in her car seat while sitting in a grocery cart. Ewwww.... I am afraid that if I blink my eyes or turn my head some freak will take her.

I am inundated with questions like the following:

How old is s/he? -- First of all dip shit... She is wearing PINK or PURPLE. Those colors mean GIRL!

How much did she weigh? -- She was 6lbs 3oz. OH MY GOD! She is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo little... Yes there is that emphasis on SO. No she is average. She is not the big huge baby your sisters husbands brothers wife had. This is my child and she is healthy.

What's wrong with her? -- Nothing, she is petite.

She's so tiny! Was she a preemie?
-- No damnit! She is FINE!

Did you have a c-section or vaginally? -- I answer this with much hesitation as it is no ones business if my child came out of my stomach by a beautiful incision or out of my crotch. But the answer is c-section.

How are you healing? -- Just fine thank you. I had some major complications which are none of your business.

Where did you deliver?
-- Does it matter? What would you say if I said it was my back yard or it was by an unlicensed practitioner? JEEZUS!

How long were you in labor? I really wasn't...

--And this is when it gets freaky--

What does your stomach look like? Because mine looks messed up?
-- It's not very attractive. I just had a baby? How the hell do you answer that? Here, wanna see?

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have been bleeding for 6 months after my daughter was born.
-- Like I really need to know whats going on with you. Call a doctor, really, please.

When you come up to me either when I am alone with baby or with my family, yes, you are interrupting me. A simple excuse me would be nice... Please don't chase me down or quit working at your station to follow me around the store. We are not there for your entertainment. If I am considered entertainment I will begin charging an admission. I am trying to run errands, shop, dine at a restaurant. I don't have time to bullshit for 30 minutes. New parents these days are really very skeptical of literal strangers approaching them and their young, be cautious and like with animals, make sure you ask before you pet.

Allison and I thank you!

Go cheerleaders!

Today Emily had her first dance recital... She did such a great job and looked so darn cute!

Another fallen hero...

Yesterday Cleveland buried another officer shot in the line of duty. Jason West was 31 years old responding to a a domestic call. At the age of 31 he was already a detective. He had drive. He had what it took to be a wonderful officer and his life was cut short.

Today I was driving through the City of Avon, Ohio. West was buried in Avon. The streets were lined with luminaries and business signs paid their respect to their hometown hero. I cried. It was so sad to realize how short life really is.

Jason, I never knew you, but may you rest in peace brother.

Please take the time to watch these video clips. It is truly moving!

*At the end of this film it says David's casket was in here... It was an error on the producer's part.


Lord I ask for courage

Courage to face and
Conquer my own fears...

Courage to take me
Where others will not go...

I ask for strength

Strength of body to protect others
And strength of spirit to lead others...

I ask for dedication

Dedication to my job, to do it well
Dedication to my community
To keep it safe...

Give me Lord, concern
For others who trust me
And compassion for those who need me...

And please Lord

Through it all
Be at my side...

--Author Unknown