Who'd want this exam??

I'd imagine it'd feel better than the real thing...

This post is dedicated to my good friend RockyJay and Pikkel Weezel... You boobie lovers!

*Edited... Pikkel doesn't like boobies... Whoops! I should know better! Shame on me!

New digs for the week...

I have a new tenant... RockyJay...

Rocky is a cool dude with a great sense of humour and loves tits and ass... So all of you male readers click on the box to the left and you will likely get a glimpse of Rocky's favourite ass of the hour, day, or week.

He will be sticking around for a week, so give him a warm welcome!!!

Perfect day for flying a jet!

This picture was taken by a civilian friend of mine that works at Oceania Naval Airstation in Norfolk, Virginia.

He done lost his mind...

Ok... what's this all about?!?!

50 Cent Plans Sex Toy Line

Rapper 50 Cent is planning to release his own new line of condoms and sex toys.

The star, who already has a clothing line and a range of energy drinks, is planning to branch out into the lucrative sex market -- even creating a vibrator that looks just like him.

50 tells GQ magazine, "I need to make a 50 Cent condom, and a motorized version of me.

"A motorized version of me will definitely have to be waterproof, so you could utilize it in the tub. A lot of them (vibrators) aren't waterproof.

"Blue is my favorite color, so it would probably be blue. But I don't know how big. I don't know if big is better because I'm not sure a man wants his woman playing with a really big dildo.

"But I want to do something like that, to create something that's popular and exciting sexually for women."



50 Cent Vibrators: The Rapper, Not the Amazon Products

It appears that we're about to take on even *more* competition in the sex toy market. Rapper 50 cent has been reported as saying “I need to make a 50 Cent condom, and a motorised version of me. A motorised version of me will definitely have to be waterproof, so you could utilise it in the tub. A lot of them (vibrators) aren't waterproof."

Now, I find it interesting that he delves into the issues most of us sex toy engineers have when building our products. Not a lot of people have the foresight to think that "I don't know if big is better because I'm not sure a man wants his woman playing with a really big dildo."

So batten hatches, boys, 'cause there's about to be a dildo driveby. Maybe, like the IGDA recommends, we could release a 50 Cent SexBox with the 50 Cent Vibrator for while you play the 50 Cent game. I'm sure just even mentioning this new, awesome level of consumer branding just gave an ad rep an explosive hardon somewhere.



I guess he will take you to the "Candy Shoppe"... Who wouldn't want to "feel the love" of 50 Cent???

March of the Penguins...

To commemorate the March of the Penguins release… Here’s something I’d like to do to a few people I know…

It's a bit grainy, but still funny!!!

What a weekend...

Wow!! What a weekend I had!!

Thursday (Thanksgiving) we went to Kmart to get The Polar Express

and Madagascar movies for the little one...

Well after looking at Thursday's paper on Friday I saw that they were on sale cheaper at Target (Kmart does not pricematch, the bastards!)... So I venture back out to return the DVD's to Kmart...

It's Friday evening, I am on the highway headed towards Target and there was an accident on the same highways headed West-bound. I am going East-bound. There was a tow truck that made a U-turn in the birm from the West-bound traffic accident onto the East-bound lanes. Well this jackass decides to pull out in traffic and do oh... about 35-45mph. Who is prepared to stop/slow down to that speed while on the highway?? Not me! This dickhead ended up and caused an accident. The person that got into the accident chose to hit the cement median wall instead of me... Talk about having a guardian angel of some sorts watching over me.

In the end, it was worth it... I ended up and saved $15. I am such a cheap bastard!


On Saturday I took my daughter to see Chicken Little I really didn't like the movie... I almost fell asleep watching it. Granted there was your "classic" adult innuendos, but nothing like other movies I saw. My daughter thought it was funny because the catch phrase in the movie is the sky is falling, but it was pretty stupid. Please save your money and rent it. I really wanted to see Zathura, but lost... Oh, well maybe next time.

The one thing I couldn't believe is how damn expensive it was to see a matinee! $11.50 for admission, not bad... Then I sprung for popcorn and a soda $9.25!! Holy shit! I seldom go to the movies, and now I know why!!


Saturday night we finally mustered it up to go shopping for the house. We built our house 4 years ago and everything seems to be falling apart at once! I guess that is pride in ownership! You own your home and you have to be broke right before the holidays! So within the last month, my garage door opener and dishwasher has crapped out on me. Two necessities in my world. Who washes dishes by hand anymore?! Not me! We went to Lowe's to support Jimmy Johnson's racing team since my one of my favourite racers, Tony Stewart, won the NASCAR Cup for the Home Depot Racing Team!! So we go in the appliance area looking for a dishwasher... I am looking in my price range and see one on clearance, like I said... I am cheap! Then there was another one on sale not on clearance, both similar. I see three people chit-chatting away in the department, not paying attention to me what-so-ever. So I give one of the kids, the look, you know the look... Get your ass over here before I beat it look... Yeah... He came in a hurry. Can I help you Miss? Um, yeah... I want this dishwasher. I am sorry but we don't have any left. Ok, then why do you have this "sticker" (clearance one) here? Well we might get more in. Ok... Do you upgrade to the next model for the same price if you are out of a model a customer wants? Without hesitation, No. Hmmmm... I could go to your competitors and they'd gladly do it for me in a second. Do you want to sell a dishwasher or no? Yes, Miss... At this point he walks away because another customer needed help. What timing to leave when I am steaming as it is... So another punk kid comes over and I re-explain myself. Bad idea at this point! So I ask him... Do you know what you are talking about here? Are you willing to help me? He obliged and said Yes! Ok, maybe I have some luck here. I again ask about the whole upgrade thing... He got pissy with me and asked some dude that works in their cabinetry department. I can see the co-relation here... Cabinets--dishwashers... They do go hand-in-hand you know!! This guy is a bit older and not as cocky as the little punks helping me before. I had asked about the whole price tag being out if they don't have any left and the second punk kid said if it will make you feel better I will move it now. Oooh it was on then... I ended up and purchased it after being pissed. I knew once I was done in appliances that I would end up talking to a manager... The service provided was terrible and I won't stand for that. I am coming to spend a nice chunk of change and I want service damnit!

I head to the front of the store and end up talking to the store manager and guess what?? He gives me 10%, which is better than nothing, off of my entire purchase for
the evening. Well little did he know I had a nice list! We ended up and bought a nice Genie Garage Door opener, new Shower Head, and my dishwasher. We saved about $80 which is better than nothing!

Sorry this was soooo long... Just been a few days since I posted...

Friday Funny (v.4)

Just keeping up with the trend here... And how true is this one????

Emerial I am not...

Well it is the Eve before Thanksgiving and I have helped my crazy husband make two recipes from Emerial Live Cooking Show.... I am exhausted!

We made Cornbread and Andouille Dressing (Pictured at left) and Caramelized Pear Gingerbread. Both of these recipes have a difficulty level of medium. I believe you need 5 hands to do these!! I am not that coordinated!!

I will let you know how these went over with the test kitchen tomorrow!


Grown men doing what?!

I have noticed a trend as of late on my way into work... Grown men driving with their lap animals, naming cats and dogs, in their vehicles.

A few weeks ago I am stuck in a traffic jam due to construction and oh my god, the orange thing in the sky, sun glare. Sunglasses people, sunglasses. Or how about your visor?? Just because the sun is out doesn't mean you need to slam on your brakes to see how well they work. I know mine work just fine and do not want to pay for a premature brake job, thank you.

Of course I digress, as usual!! So while stuck in traffic, I look over to the left. For a change I am in the middle lane and can look to both sides of me. I see a man late 20's to mid 30's in his BMW 5 Series, which means he has some sort of cash, sitting in his vehicle, normal you think?? NO! I look on his center console and there is a fucking cat! A CAT! On your way to work?!?!?! He had on a nice suit, black to match the cat, of course. So, as I am sitting there this freak is playing with his cat in a traffic jam. Petting it... What about cat hair all over your suit? That'd look nice in a meeting. What if someone is allergic to cat dander? And my last dying question is what do you do with the cat once you get into the office??

So all of you fellow readers don't think I am a cold-hearted bitch... I do own pets. I have a cat and a dog... My cat is a mutt, Shelby and my dog is a Weimaraner,
Greeley. I'd never bring them with me anywhere other than my dog to the park. But to bring my animals work or shopping or where ever? Come 'on!So this leads into the next guy I saw while on my way to drop my daughter off at my mother-in-laws before work. I turn this corner and I look over to my left, again and see a guy mid 30's to mid 40's with a fucking lap dog on his lap!! I thought men were always the "manly men" that don't have small yip dogs. I mean with all due respect, why have a dog??

I know everyone has their own preference and believe me I am not one to judge. But guys come off that they need their Mastiffs, Boxers, Pit Bulls, Shepards, and Labs to get through life. But if for you it takes that Toy Poodle, more power to you! I don't know where this guy was headed, and it doesn't matter.

So any of you male readers willing to elaborate on the weirdo dudes that bring their loved pets with them like a woman carries her purse??

New Tenant!!

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to my newest blog tenant... Ted at ParaTed2k!! Ted is a disabled Vet/EMT. This is how Ted describes his blog... Serious & Satire from the only RedHeaded, Blu~Eyed, Freckle~Faced, Left~Handed, Colorblind, Guitar Pickin', Harpoon Blowin', LDS, National Guard Retired, Vet on the Net!~Please take the time out just to click over and see what his thought is for that day!! You'd make him very happy!!

Aren't these the cutest???

Ok... My daughter draws the cutest people, ever!! She drew these on her MagnaDoodle now discontinued from Fisher Price, those bastards, and I call them her MagnaDoodle Family!!

Is anyone diggin' this CD???

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's days like this I wish I lived back "home"...

Champions -- Park beats Wisconsin Rapids for WIAA Division 1 state football title
By Janine Anderson
MADISON - Students throughout Racine had a holiday Friday, as they left school early to make a trip to Madison to see Park High School win a state football championship for the first time since 1988.

Park let students out at 11 a.m., so they could load up the 23 fan buses and make the 2-hour drive to Madison to cheer on the team. Students crowded the courtyard, wearing fuzzy black Panther hats, Panther-paw-print fleece scarves, and with blue and orange paint on their faces and in their hair.

The entire school was showing its Panther pride. The Joan of Arc statue was all but blocked out by the Panther gear for sale. Buses lined up for blocks outside the school.

There was even a tailgate party: Brats, chips and a soda on sale in the hallway outside the band room. For $3.50 you could have all three, much cheaper than a similar meal at the stadium.

A sea of blue and orange - hundreds of Park students decked out to show school spirit - mingled with students from Horlick and Case who abandoned the Rebels and Eagles for the day, instead showing the Panther Pride that has spread through Racine.

If the tables were reversed, these Park students would be here, too, showing their support for whichever Racine team was playing on the Badgers' field.

"It's a home-team thing," said Erik Thompson, a Park sophomore.

That sentiment was found throughout the stadium, where people with old connections to the school found the time to make the trip to Madison to support the team.

"My daughters both graduated from Park," said Ken Smerchek of Racine. "Even though I graduated from Horlick, I'm here to support the team.

"Smerchek was sitting with Park alum Ron Grumley, and his 2½-year-old son Manus.

Despite the cold, the toddler was having a great time at the game. "He couldn't wait to come back out for the second half," Grumley said. "He kept saying `Football, football.' " Grumley graduated from Park in 1987, a year before the team last won a state football championship. The school's previous championship was on many people's minds.

"It'll be something to tell your kids," said Alyssa Charles, a Park freshman. " `When I was a freshman we went to state.' " She said her mom, a Park alum, was at the school in 1988 and has told them about it: "She said she thinks you need to experience it.

"All the students at the game, no matter what school they go to, were thrilled to be at the game, supporting this team.Chants of "Johnny, Johnny, Johnny" rang out for running back Johnny Clay, the team's star player. Students had panther paw prints on their faces, and hair dyed orange and blue. A few brave boys painted their chests and braved the below-freezing temperatures shirtless.

The spirit was infectious, with adults who spent the first quarter hollering at kids to sit down standing and cheering by the time Park scored its final touchdown.

"In our classes, (the football players) were so excited," said junior Lauren Schatzman, who played in the pep band Friday.

The game was mandatory for the school band. The other students sang along to the songs they played.When it was 28-9 and clear that Wisconsin Rapids would not be making a comeback, students sang "Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Good-bye." They pushed toward the field, crowding the walkway to get close enough to hug cheerleaders and players.

They counted down the seconds with the scoreboard, bursting into screams as the clock stopped, sealing Park's place as state champion.

"It rocks my world," said Carissa Heckel, a Park junior. "We have the best football team in the world. This was a blast. I'm glad we won. This is definitely the top.

"She doesn't expect to forget the experience any time soon: "I'll tell my children about this. Hopefully they'll get to experience the same thing."

This is where I graduated high school... I am so proud to see that "we" did it, yet again!! Go Panthers!!!

Friday Funny

Excitement anyone?!

Well my last 12 hours has been pretty interesting to say the least!! Last night on my way home I get off of the highway and head to my neighborhood and notice one of the streets is blocked by a local police department, not ours. Then I look further down the street and see another street was blocked off. So here I am thinking that hmmm… Maybe someone got busted for something. Who knows what goes on within the walls of people’s homes. Hell, it’s none of my business!

So I pass up that street and decide to go down my actual street. I make the turn and proceed towards my house. I look down and there are 4 police cruisers at my intersection. Holy hell! I just want to get home! I end up talking to two guys that work at a nearby dealership. I asked them what the heck is going on and they said that a nearby bank was robbed and they are chasing the 3 armed robbers by gun point. Apparently the robbers were carrying AK47’s! There is a Sheriff that shows up and I ask him if I can go to my house… I only live down the street in the new homes. He said no, we are looking for the armed robbers with guns. First thing that comes to mind is but, I HAVE TO PEEE!!! …Thinking that’s my excuse to just go home. So I talk to the guys a bit more and ask if they need a ride or anything, to be nice. Then I proceed on down my street weaving around the police cars. By then I am finally at my intersection to my street and there is another Sheriff standing in the middle of the street. He tells me to stop. In order for me to go to my part of the street I need my driver’s license, which was fine, and he also checked my vehicle. So I finally am able to pull into my driveway and be home! YEAH! I then realize there are 3 helicopters in total flying around the area. One from the neighboring police department and the other two were news stations. The funny thing is that none of them had their spot lights on to help the officers on foot in the wooded areas of my neighborhood! I was thinking that’s kinda mean!! My daughter finally came home and was able to see the helicopters. Boy did she enjoy that!! At this point all of the neighbors are outside. I figured we were done doing the hanging out thing for the summer. So it was nice to see some of the neighbors that hibernate for the winter season. While we were sitting outside with the neighbors officers were combing our street about 10-wide including a K-9 unit. It was interesting to see how lazy some of them where not realizing the threat they were facing with these hoodlums. The K-9 unit ended up going through every back yard to check for any lead. There were news trucks all over and camera men all over. I commented that I wanted to be “that” person that was interviewed that you ask, “where the hell do they find these people?!?!” You know how everything is exaggerated and all….

We had to leave and run an errand on the way there I stopped a Sergeant and told him that they should check one of the houses on our street that is vacant. The whole time he’s holding a shot-gun.

At the end of the night there were at least 5 different law enforcement agencies involved in this manhunt and all of the suspects were apprehended.

Here are 2 contradicting news articles...

The Chronicle Telegram
The Morning Journal

*We built our home in a nice neighborhood 4 years ago... It drives me crazy knowing that the crime came to us... GRRR!

**The K-9 Unit posted is not our police department... It was just a neat pic!


Then this morning at 6:40 my doorbell rings. I just got out of bed about 5 minutes ago. I am still in my jammies and I don’t know who it is… I am thinking did something else happen over the night in my area, which isn’t bad at all! So I am thinking it’s the cops or something. I run back upstairs and grab my robe. I hestitently go to the front door. I look out the front window and there is a kid with a backpack. I was thinking to myself I am not going to open this door, but there was a knock. So, I open it. As I am opening it, I am thinking I should have got butcher knife or something just in case. Well I am glad I didn’t. It was a mother and her son looking for a girl. I believe it’s my neighbors kid. So I nicely tell them they have the wrong house and close the door. *Heart attack over*

Needing a little knee slapper!

This is so stupid it's funny...

I apologize if it is offensive!!

Am I Fibbing or Not??

My friend Charles tagged me with this and it seemed fun…

It is up to you to figure out if the following 20 things about me are the truth or a myth...
1. I have green eyes.
2. I am from Minnesota.
3. I went to a Catholic all girls college.
4. I only drive Fords.
5. I enjoy going to the shooting range.
6. I skipped most of my senior year in high school...
7. I have a son.
8. I have been married 4 years
9. My father passed away 10 years ago
10. My favorite flower is the pansy
11. I love country music
12. I cook at home every night.
13. I have been out of the country once.
14. I danced for seven years.
15. I was in a marching band.
16. I have been in a helicopter.
17. I used to sell cars for a living.
18. I am married to a police officer.
19. I have had 3 surgeries.
20. I went to high school with a pro NFL player.

Like Ender... I will post the real answers once I hit 10 responses.

New Tenant for the Week

Please welcome Angie to my blog!!! If you could click to the right and show her a warm welcome she would really appreciate it!!

What a waste...

Tonight we went to a fellow co-workers housewarming party that I work with... It was actually "a show my $500,000** house off" party. Her name is Laurie, name changed to maintain privacy. Her and her husband both are very short people... Probably about 5'5" and I shit you not. Well they have 28' vaulted ceilings in their house! Talk about feeling like a munchkin!! I had seen Laurie's house during construction and didn't like the way it looked outside. Architecturally it could have looked better for the money, but I am not buying or building the house, so I really don't care. We walk in and there is a beautiful stairwell, that goes clear up and down the house (it's a sprial). Her flooring is super dark slate. The details were very nice, but after all was said and done, I wasn't too impressed. This 4,000 square foot home only has three bedrooms!! They need to have two furnaces and air conditioning units because of their ceilings! I am glad that is not my heating or cooling bill! Their only child's bedroom, was bigger than my bedroom! He had where he slept and a sitting room! He is a spoiled brat that is going to cost them a lot of money in bail in about 5 years. Good luck to them!

The whole night I was there I kept thinking to myself, come December I really need to start screwing around with the CEO of the company. Maybe I could build a nice house if I sleep with him or just go half-way with him so to speak!! The funny part is my other half mentioned it too! You see Laurie, slept with the CEO so I believe she has a nice paycheck as a result.

So there were some other people there that works in my office, obviously. Most of them are the clicky type that are totally bitchy that I can't stand!! So I put on my fake face and try to mingle sober. Tonight I didn't drink as I can't do the drinking thing weekly! I feel too damn old for that shit! So I left the other half to drink a bit tonight. He deserves it!

"Valley Girl" and her boyfriend I shit you not looks like Bruce Springsteen. All I could think of the entire night was BORN IN THE USA!!!! And I said that "Valley Girl" is his Courtney Cox... No pun intended, yeah right! This dude is the same one that she likes it when he does "push ups" on her. Emily fit right in with everyone, chit chatting away. It was nice to see her have fun with the others.

I run into a girl that used to work in my office and she moved on to better things and she's like you should try to get a job where I work!! HELL YEAH! So she's going to try to set me up with something if she can. Which would be nice. As I am talking to her the other half comes up to me complaining about some people along with her husband! How mortified was I?! Um, let's see! I wanted to crawl into a hole! She the asked if I would mind getting her another beer. I said sure. Emily comes flying by and I asked her to grab a Bud Lite, she did the good girl she is. (Yes, I know, mother of the year award will not be going to me!!)She grabbed it and gave it to my friend!

Emily also kicked my friends but in Air Hockey. She told me she won the championship. How cute was that??

All in all, I had an ok time, not impressed. Glad I didn't waste all day baking or cooking for the cheesy event. We just bought a veggie tray... nothing too exciting!

**In our region of the world you can buy a nice 4 bedroom with a basement in a good neighborhood for approx. $250,000. Just depends on where you move. I know in other areas the real estate market is a little rough to say the least!

Trip to the dreaded dentist

Last night I went to see the dentist for two more fillings. Pretty soon I am going to look like a rapper with as much silver as I have in my mouth. And I assure you it's not from bad hygiene, just bad genes!!

My dentist is a younger dude in his 40's and pretty nice. We were BS'ing about his son and the prestigious and very expensive high school he goes to around here. The high school is called St. Ignatius, they are known for their sports and academics. So as he's BS'ing with me he is numbing my mouth with bubble gum flavored something or other, um gross. I am slowly losing sensation in my mouth and then he puts that big freakin' needle in my check! Holy mother of Mary! It hurt like hell!! More so than other times I have had Novocaine injected in me. Turns out he hit one of two nerves in the area which made it feel like I was going to shoot some super powered electricity through my chin! Yes, I said my chin! It was a weird sensation, and just as weird feeling like my right bottom tooth was going to just jump clear out of the root. If the doctor would have hit the other nerve, my tongue would have shot clear out of my mouth, although attached to that weird thing under my tinge. I'd rather keep the chin super powers!! Don't mess with me!

Afterwards, I decide that I am in the mood for soup since I know I can't chew much of anything without totally biting my tongue off. So we went to Cracker Barrel... They have pretty good soup there. At this point I am numb from the top of my right ear all the way to my chin! Good drugs if you ask me!!

So we sit down, order our drinks and for those of you wondering if "she spoke Spanish", the waitress didn't!! The waitress brings our waters back and notifies me that they are clear out of straws!!! What am I going to do I think to myself??? How the heck am I going to drink this water without a straw? I don't have feeling in part of my face, but ahhh, ok... I will try! So I do pretty well and the table gets a bit wet along with the front-side of me, but I can deal with that. It's just water, cold water!! I finally figure out how to drink the water from the glass without spilling (a lot of) water, shove it in your mouth as far as it will go!

A new mis-adventure will be forthcoming soon, I am just sure of it!!

Let's not forget...

On a more serious note...

In honor of all of my friends and family who have served for our country...


Friday Funny

Sorry there are two within one week... Must be in a goofy mood or something!! ;o)

Blog Renter

Before I forget to do this again... I have a renter (Guppyman) of my space here...

Be sure to click his site to the right to make him uber happy!!

Cheers to rising gas prices, again!!!

100+ Things you wanted to know about me...

1. I am the oldest of one blood sister and one step-sister
2. My birthday is September 7th
3. I have never broke a bone
4. I have a birthmark on my wrist
5. I have a scar that looks like an ice cream cone on my right knee
6. I started college when I was a junior in high school
7. I have been married almost 7 years
8. I built my house when I was 22
9. I also had my daughter when I was 22
10. I was in labor with my daughter for 32 hours
11. After 32 hours I had a cesarean section
12. I finally got my first dog in 2005
13. My father passed away at the young age of 27
14. I went to an all girls college for one semester
15. I played the clarinet and oboe in school
16. I was in a marching band
17. I played doubles tennis in high school and was pretty good at it.
18. I was the personal trainer for our varsity baseball team in high school
19. I moved away from my home town
20. I worked for the construction manager of the Cleveland Browns stadium while under construction
21. I love the Green Bay Packers
22. I was baptized Catholic
23. I was confirmed Lutheran
24. I was then re-confirmed Catholic
25. I have never been to any southern state other than Florida
26. I have only been to Canada once
27. I got first and second degree sunburn in the Rocky Mountains
28. I love Las Vegas
29. I want to move to Vegas one day
30. I am married to a police officer
31. I am very anal retentive
32. I am a stickler about manners
33. It drives me crazy when I am called ma’am
34. The people I work with drive me insane
35. My pre-marital initials where the same as my sisters (MMM)
36. I love my maiden name, Morgan
37. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)
38. I love engineering marvels
39. I like bridges
40. I like high rise buildings
41. I have always wanted to be 5’9” – Guess I have 2” to go!
42. I once stepped on a crochet hook
43. The crochet hook went clear through my foot
44. For the evening in the emergency room I felt like a freak show
45. I am a licensed insurance agent in the State of Ohio
46. I am a notary in the State of Ohio
47. I have gone 3 years without a speeding ticket
48. I only talk to 4 people I graduated high school with
49. I haven’t been on birth control for almost 9 years
50. I saved $13,000 on my vehicle I bought in July
51. I have a passion for automobiles
52. I like to shoot guns
53. I have only been primitive camping a half dozen times
54. I am a city girl at heart
55. I am a music junkie
56. I like action movies
57. I like the smell of gasoline
58. I have never done any type of recreation drug
59. My favorite colors are blue and green
60. I have redecorated my bathroom twice since living at my house
61. I am a bad gardener
62. I hate getting dirt on my fingers
63. Cocky sports players drive me crazy
64. What is the purpose of golf?
65. The first concert I went to was Boston
66. The second concert I went to was Rush
67. I am certified in CPR for infants and adults
68. I dropped out of college to move to Ohio and get married
69. I wish I would have finished college
70. I think I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up… an engineer.
71. I haven’t talked to my sister in 3 years
72. I don’t get along with my mother
73. My aunt is like my mom to me
74. My pupils have a yellow ring around them
75. I have lost 43 pounds in a year
76. I have about 35 more pounds that I want to lose
77. I love to blog!
78. <---- My birth year
79. I fall for people easily
80. I am overly confident
81. I am blunt about everything
82. I have been in a helicopter and am alive to talk about it
83. I want to go to a female strip club
84. I have only been drunk about 6 times in my life
85. I used to smoke
86. The smell of smoke makes me sick to my stomach now
87. My daughter broke my nose at 18 months of age
88. I had to have surgery to repair my broken nose
89. I have had laproscopic surgery
90. I don’t have my wisdom teeth anymore
91. Every time I go to the dentist I almost always have a cavity when I am a freak about brushing my teeth
92. I can’t go a day without cleaning my ears out
93. I have had sex in a train
94. I have only been in two car accidents, ever
95. I have worked at the same place for almost 6 years
96. I work from 8:30 – 5:00 Monday through Friday
97. I could never be a stay at home mom (SAHM)
98. I have never paid for childcare
99. My daughter has never been watched by anyone other than family
100. I have spanked my daughter
101. I love horses
102. My favorite holiday is Halloween
103. I miss my grandfather
104. I had my first kiss in elementary school
105. I started to wear a training bra in the second grade
106. I went through countless bras in elementary school as kids snapped them and broke them
107. I played the viola for a year
108. I was learning how to play the flute before I dropped out of band
109. I have always wanted to learn how to play the piano
110. I would like to learn personal defense
111. I work out 3 days a week
112. I spent way too much money on my wedding
113. I didn’t go on a honeymoon until married for 5 years
114. I can’t tolerate eating a lot of sweets
115. I miss having good Chicago style pizza
116. I miss having the lake to the East
117. I still don’t understand why a vacuum is called a “sweeper” in Ohio
118. My nickname growing up was Mel
119. My sister called me Doe-Doe (like the bird) for the longest time
120. My nephew called me Inni like the belly button until he could enunciate my name
121. I witnessed the birth of my niece
122. Most of the time when I look at my clock it says 9:11
123. My birthday falls on Labor Day once every 5-7 years
124. My favorite food is Chinese or Mexican
125. Feet are one of the ugliest body parts next to the male genitala
126. My raises at work average 6% due to work performance
127. I wish I could take good pictures
128. I wish that I could be a more creative writer
129. I do not have a single artistic bone in my body
130. I wanted to be a doctor when I was a little girl
131. I am no longer a good housekeeper… There are more important things to worry about
132. I love to drive
133. I hate going to Disney in Florida
134. I wish that I could sing, well!
135. My idea of cooking is calling for carry-out!
136. I have one tattoo
137. I want three more tattoos
138. I wanted to see Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys in concert!! LMAO!
139. I love my friends from Rover’s Morning Glory
140. My newest favorite television show is Prison Break
141. Only my ears are pierced
142. I am a reality TV show junkie
143. TiVo is the best thing invented
144. I love blue eyes
145. My favorite cologne is Pleasures for Men
146. I have no fear of public speaking
147. I love to dance
148. I have always wanted braces to fix two crooked teeth
149. Bad teeth are a turn-off to me
150. I love romance
151. I like to kiss
152. I am a pessimist
153. I have 3 calendars on my desk
154. I have a map of Ohio and West Virginia in my office
155. My daughter told me she wants to have big boobs like me when she grows up
156. I am afraid of spiders
157. I have been cow tipping
158. I know what a "bubbler" is
159. I have never read any of the Harry Potter books or seen the movies
160. I have never seen the Lord of the Rings Trilogy
161. I hate doing laundry
162. My favorite vacation was to Glacier National Park in Montana
163. I worked in the auto industry for 3 years
164. I worked at Victoria's Secret while in college and yes I loved it
165. I don't like having my picture taken
166. I take 5 pills a day
167. I have a cat and her name is Shelby

So there you have it... 167 more things you wanted to know about me!! I didn’t realize I had so much to say about nothing… I will have to update this list as I think of new things!

Shame on him...

Piggy, Howard Stern, gets in trouble for gloating!! What a fucking surprise!!! Read the article of how Howard got put in the corner for being a naughty boy for an entire day!!! Ooooh! That will scare him off!!!

Ms. Monica

Got a call this afternoon asking for the hubby... I said, sure may I ask who's calling? It's Monica Jones (or something) from Penthouse. As I start choking, I say come again?? Very excitedly she says this is Monica Jones calling from Penthouse regarding [insert name here] subscription. I then say is that right? She says, yes. At this point I am absolutley speechless. I had hubby the phone and this is all I hear...

Fine, thank you.
I wouldn't know how the service was since I do not get your magazine.
No ma'am, I have never had a subscription to Penthouse. (I know he's thinking all he had was PlayBoy)
Yes, ma'am I am serious.
Your welcome.
End of phone conversation...

The weird thing was she called at like 5PM on a Sunday?? Who calls for customer service on Sundays???

I bet these phone operators love hearing spousal support!

Had a ball of a time...

Last night we had our annual Fraternal Order of Police (FOP) Reverse Raffle Dinner.

Each ticket was $60 for a single and $85 for a couple. It included your dinner (fruit salad, lettuce salad, rolls, roast beef, ham, chicken, green beans, red potatoes, pasta, and dessert trays) which was great by the way, open bar, DJ and a chance to win the prize of $3,000. Not a bad deal. There were also sideboards where you could buy tickets to win $200, $300, & $500 dollar prizes. You purchased these tickets for $2.00, $3.00, & $5.00 respectively. So it's pretty cheap in all honesty.

This was my first year that I actually went. Last year I just participated in preparations for the event. The dinner started at 6PM and I got there at 3:30PM to help set up things prior to our guests arriving. I walk into the banquet hall and it is stunning. I didn't think it'd be so nice!! So it seems like chaos when I got there. Most everyone didn't have a clue as to what was going on... I decide to take charge, which I normally do anyways and say what do you need done? Let's get this going!! There was a lot of trepidation about the table assignments. Who goes where?? I said let me do it, I could care-less where people sit. I have planned enough weddings to be able to handle the stress... I don't know half of these people, I have no conflicting interest! I then walk into the hall and say this is where everyone is sitting... NEXT! (It did take a bit of time as some tables needed to be grouped together) After setting up other various things the group of people who was there to help ate before any guests had arrived. I am glad that they recommend we do that as I wouldn't have eaten the entire night otherwise.

After we were done eating it was time to welcome all of our guests... I was the second person in charge of checking in people and collecting money. I had over $5,000 in my till and was having $100 bills thrown at me like it was my job. (Note to self-- change professions) I was able to greet every person that walked through the door. And boy where there some weird ones!!! It's like going to a wedding; you have your typical people come. The sluttiest person and I believe there was like a 3-way tie!! Your usual hillbilly (sorry no offense to anyone). I have a hillbilly for a brother-in-law. This woman looked really terrible... Belly shirt and forgot to wear her teeth!! EW! Then there were people dressed very nicely.

For this dinner we have 200 seats/tickets. We didn't sell about 30 of them for dinner and for this reverse raffle you need to sell all of them so we sold the remaining tickets for $35 a piece for an equal chance to win $3,000. We had two tickets.

How it works is there are 200 numbers called and the 1st ticket drawn wins $100, the 195th ticket wins $100 and there were 45 prizes randomly picked for the numbers in between. For the remaining 5 numbers the ticket holders have the choice to pool their chances together or to be greedy. The 5 remaining people for all of the "boards" (Main Board, $2.00, $3.00, & $5.00) decided to poll their chances together and split the winnings equally. So a lot of people left a winner! Our number was called first so we won $100 and we also won 2 hours of simulation golf at Dave and Busters for 4 people. We still have a ton of credits on our players card so that could be an interesting night out. The rate we are going we could do it again for New Years since that's where we went last year. The rest of our table we sold tickets to didn't win anything which was disappointing, but hey... We won!! YEAH!!

After the big prizes were gone we moved onto what my FOP Lodge did... We make themed gift baskets and they are raffled off as a Chinese raffle. You buy tickets and they draw the winning tickets. We had a ton of them, Browns Basket, Gaming Basket, Gamblers Basket, Tools Basket, Liquor Basket, Sex Basket, Mystery Basket for the Men and Women, Coffee Basket, Chocolate Basket, Crafters Basket, Spa Basket to name a few. I did the Browns Basket and the Gaming Basket this year and they made out really well. They were our top two baskets for profit! Go Melissa!! Last year my baskets were a hit too, so I was pleased to see the reactions of the winners. I know it's weird I did a Browns Basket considering I am a Packer fan, but it was fun. I had a portable grill, beer, snack mixes, brownie mix (Hence the Cleveland Browns), dog bones for the Dawg Pound, etc. So it was a fun basket to make. The game basket was fun too, but I didn't think I did as good as a job like I did last year as far as the games. Next year it will be much better!! So we had 12 winners for these baskets and we were able to party afterwards!!

At this point of the night I drank almost an entire bottle of Amaretto, life was good, real good!! I was able to do some mingling after 9PM with our group of freinds and others that I met during the evening. Like this guy named Frank... He was a really nice guy, but couldn't figure him out to save my life. I was talking to one of my girlfriends earlier in the evening about how I wanted to wear this skirt and I for the life of me could not find it. It's a woman thing, losing your clothes when you want to wear them!! So I ended up in pants, as usual. So Frank comes up to me and comments that he will never know if I have good legs or not since I didn't wear a skirt. I confidently told him; yes I do have nice legs... He said you aren't wearing a garter or anything else... Um, no, not with pants on, but I'd consider with a skirt... whatever!! I then comment on his very nice watch and he tells me that I have to see his wife’s jewelry when I have a chance. So I ended up meeting his wife and her jewelry... To comment on that, she's got a good man to buy her nice things!! I ended up and asked the President of our FOP Lodge, Bob to dance as his wife isn't able to do that type of thing due to medical reasons. We go out on the dance floor and he's twirling me around, how fun was that?! And while we are dancing he's thanking me for all of my help, which wasn't a problem at all. I had a good time doing it.

At midnight our night was over at the banquet hall... The stragglers ended up at a dive bar about 2 miles away. We put in some good tunes in the juke box rocking out to Van Halen, Bad Company, Blue Oyster Cult, Aerosmith, Def Leopard, Bon Jovi to name a few! RAWK OUT!! While at the bar I had an endless glass of my Amaretto Sour... Before I knew it I was at 6!!! Within an hour or so! I was beginning to feel sick! But while playing sex hangman it was great!!
Some words we came up with were... Muff Diver, Vibrator, Sodomy, Titty Fuck, Road Skull, Reverse Cowgirl to name a few. We had a huge group of people there so it was a lot of fun especially while half drunk!! Before we left I took some pictures with some of the officers and my husband's higher ranking officers came up to me hugged me in a cuddling type way and pulled my shirt down reveling some bust action to take a pic! I will have to post various pics once they are sent to me via e-mail.

Ok... so this was really long... Thanks for making it through this and my hangover!

Friday Funny... (v.1)

This was pretty funny!!

She speaks Spanish

This evening we took Emily out to dinner. We went to a Chinese place... It's new and the food is pretty good.

The waitress came to our table and asked if we wanted refills on our water. We all agreed and handed over our glasses, the waitress walks away.

Emily then says very loudly after she left, "She speaks Spanish!!" Oh the cute things children say!!

Volunteers... At times are a hindrance !

Well yesterday was an interesting day... I had to go to the hospital radiology department for an x-ray, again, I am ok... Not dying!I have only been to this particular hospital maybe a total of 3 times as I have my own area favourites. So I walk into the hospital and already I don't have a clue where I am going so I try to find the information desk. Ok, good, I found it. The volunteers tell me I have to go to Outpatient Services. I walk over to Outpatient Services and there is a sign to check in at the desk, which I would assume to be the desk behind the glass. So I lean around the glass and ask the lady is this where I sign in? She said no... Across the hall, the whole 3 feet, there is a desk, check in with the lady there. Ah... ok. So I walk across the hall and the lady is so old it's not even funny. She can't hear to save my own soul. So to go against all Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) So she asks my name, Melissa, M-E-L-I-S-S-A. How many L's? One L two S's. What are you here for? I couldn't believe they asked me that in front of everyone else!!! I wanted to say I am here for my communicable disease testing. So I tried to be vague and say for Radiology which sufficed to say the least. So the volunteer said please have a seat and they will call you up in a minute. I don't even get my ass on the seat and the first lady behind the glass is calling me and telling me it's ok to come over. I sit down to pre-register and give the lady my social security number and she can't figure out why mine is so different... Mine starts with a 3 since I am not from the area originally. Most people in this area of Ohio start with a 2. So I essentially had to shout to her it's not 2 it's 3!! DAMN people, pay attention!! The lady behind the glass tells me that I am all set and I can go straight to Radiology.

I meander my way to the Radiology Department. I tried walking up to the window until I was greeted by another volunteer!! How many of them are there here! Holy shit! The lady gets into my face and asks me can I help you? Um, yeah... I am here for an x-ray. Well what's your name? Melissa *******. I shit you not she leans into the window to the lady asking if Melissa ******* was on the schedule. What are you here for Melissa? I then say I can't even enunciate it. She leans in again and says I don't know what it is! Don't these people realize that others want PRIVACY?! Once my appointment is confirmed, because I am lying about having this procedure done I am walked to another desk about 4 feet away this time to sign my consent forms. I sign the form and sit down. Approximately 5 minutes later the same lady comes to me and tells me my doctor is running late and it should be about an additional 15 minute wait time. Fifteen minutes for my doctor is nothing. So I was complacent and said I will take my cards as they fall.

The whole point of this post is why do they have volunteers doing all of the work?? Why aren't these hospital staff working and earning their money? I mean how do you keep track of what is going on when you aren't even thinking for yourself? How hard would it have been for me to lean into the glass and speak on my own behalf and maintain some dignity?It's nice that the elderly are trying to get out and keep their brains functioning and to still be involved in the community, but I don't want Grandma Mable knowing what is going on in my own personal life let alone anyone else waiting in the waiting room at the time. What happened to card games or shopping? You have already paid your debt to society... Let go, have fun, relax and enjoy your years!