Looking for peace

I guess it would be "that" time of year to write about my dear mother, again. As most loyal readers know, we have been on the out-and-out for over a year. I truly think things have really come to a head the last time we spoke after Thanksgiving.

Let me digress a bit... Before that we talked on my birthday in September. My mom asked if we could "start over". I obliged, but on my terms. I wanted to take it slow. I didn't want to jump in head first to a relationship that has been non-existent for well over a year. During that conversation on my birthday my mom had a lot to bitch about. Things truly out of my control... We spoke for an agonizing 20 minutes, until I had a "meeting" to go to. I had set it in my mind to call her in two months. Two months came by and I just wasn't ready yet. Mom had sent us a Thanksgiving Day card so I decided it would be the time for me to call her.

In June for Em's birthday she had my niece of my also estranged sister send Em one of those giant sized birthday cards. I sent the card back "RETURN TO SENDER" because of the letter she wrote to me last Christmas.

You can read here about Christmas 2005 and you can read here about Em's Birthday.

I called my mom the Friday after Thanksgiving. Thankfully no one was home and I left a message. "Hi Mom, it's me... Just calling to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. I guess I will talk to you whenever... Love you." The following evening she calls back around dinner time. I didn't check the caller-ID as I thought it was someone else. Shame on me... Our conversation started off very cold with short answers. Then everything started pouring out in a higher octave or yelling I shall call it. Mom starts telling me that I am not her boyfriend, meaning I will call you back on my terms. I then tell mom that her voice is getting louder and she is yelling and I will not listen to it. I asked her to change the tone of her voice otherwise I will hang up. She continued. I wished her luck on her surgery and that I would pray for her. As I was pressing the button to hang up she yelled at me that I won't pray.

Fifteen minutes passed by and she called back on her land line. She's calmed down or so I thought. Next she is laying into me about family pictures or pictures of Emily. I said it takes time to develop them... She then begins talking to me about a decision I made in June 2005 for Em to spend the night at my aunt's house vs. her house. I told her it's done and over with and I owe you ZERO explanation. I am Em's mom and answer to no one. Mom gets mad at me and tells me she has a grandparental right over Emily. In every state there is a law for grandparents. There are grandparent advocate sites out there. If you reference my second hotlink above you will see I spoke with an attorney. He advised me my mother has zero rights over Em. But my mom was trying to scare me. Scare me to the point she could see Em. Never for a minute did I think that I would ever use my knowledge. But it all came to a head. I was finally able to use my upper hand. I finally was educated enough to stick up for myself and my family. I told my mom she has no right over Em whatsoever. I told her I spoke with an attorney back home. She was floored, as was I. I honestly couldn't believe I had the balls to stand up to her. I told her don't you for a second think that I don't think two steps ahead of you. And she hung up. I haven't heard from her since, nor do I think I will.

After we parted ways I was laughing. I was victorious. She wasn't going to hurt me or my family again. Then I went to sleep... For two weeks I had nothing but nightmares... I am subliminally petrified my mother will come to Ohio to take Em. She will find a way to get to her. She will call family here to find out where she goes to school and pick her up. I am afraid she will stalk us and come to the door and be "that stranger" to take my baby away. My mom is that psycho. And in my waking hours I am fine, but when I sleep I am taken to a whole new world. Being pregnant and dealing with this situation hasn't helped one bit.

I am seriously thinking of calling that attorney back and proceeding with legal action. But with family changes forthcoming it's kind of hard to fit in the budget. I would love for nothing more to sleep soundly and know my baby (Em) will be alright.