Feeling inadequate...

To those of you who know me personally, you know that I am truly unhappy with my place of employment. I enjoy what I actually do, but the lack of satisfaction I get from my employer is a bit to be desired. I have been there for nearly seven years which is a lot to some. Since I have started there I have wanted to learn more. I express an interest to excel in everything I do. I am anal. I am a perfectionist. So for about 6.5 years I have been told, yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah... Am I any further in my career? Um, NO! I am miserable! I don't want to wake up in the morning to go to work, which is awful.

As I digress for a moment, I work in the insurance industry. My sole client base are contractors. I do what is called Surety or bonding and no sick-o it's not bondage! If you wanna know more I will explain, leave me a comment.

So fellow reader, may be thinking... Well shut the hell up and do something, Melissa... Well funny you may think that smart ass, because I have been trying. Key word there is trying... I have my resume up on Careerbuilder.com and Monster.com. I keep getting e-mails for things that I am just not interested in. Or I will get an e-mail that starts off good and just turns into shit. Like I got an e-mail from some guy in Arizona saying he has an opportunity for me here and then he's like, sorry. WTF man?! So that died... Sadly.

I am in a niche business, so on paper it looks like I have done absolutely nothing for the last seven years of my life... I might as well have lived in a damned cave...

Prior to jumping into the insurance industry I worked in the automotive industry. I worked as a finance and insurance (F & I) manager closing deals on your automobile purchases. I LOVED it! It was so much fun and so rewarding. To experience the customers excitement for a new auto purchase was awesome. I worked in the auto industry while living in Wisconsin. I tried it when I moved to Ohio and it sucked donkey balls, really... The automotive industry here is terrible. I couldn't sleep with myself how the dealers handled business here. So I got out of it.

As of late I have been reminiscing about the auto industry and looked in the paper... I saw an opportunity that would be great! It's near my house and a substantial raise. So I called and I got an interview right away which seemed promising to me. I went in at 7PM and had to meet with the General Sales Manager (GSM)... He had me fill out an application. UGH! I hate applications!!! Those are so high school to me. WTF is a resume for?! So I finish all of the tedious crap and I end up talking to the head of the F & I department. She seemed pretty cool and like we could get along with one another. I have been out of the auto industry for awhile and living in a different state didn't help. So I am there for 1.5 hours talking to two F & I people and I was told I would meet with the GSM afterwards. I am getting antsy to sell myself to the GSM as I feel like he's the one I need to convince. I need to give him confidence in me. I was never given that opportunity. He had a "situation" he was handing. I saw him behind closed doors with another suit, so I knew they were telling the truth.

I left feeling a bit uneasy... Went home, cried and moped around for the rest of the night. I felt like shit. I felt like I meant absolutely nothing... I feel like I will never move onwards or upwards.

The following day I called the GSM back. I wanted to be professional and inquire about scheduling another meeting with him as I missed my chance. He said that the two F&I chicks I talked to where gathering applicants and I will be getting a call back if they are interested. Well fucking shoot my foot now.

So I will be stuck in my job forever it seems... Miserable... I just need to catch a flipping break!!