Blowing your nose "Farmer Style"

Ok... so Emily is coming down with a little cold or something, it's about the only thing that she has brought home for me in awhile. She goes to Pre-School three days a week for three hours a day. Every evening I get home from work, I ask Emily what she learned in school and she always tells me "Nothing mom!" Oh gee, so I am paying good money for you to go to school to learn nothing?? Um, ok! I threaten; you better tell me something you have learned otherwise you aren't going back to school!! She fesses up immediately. It is so nice having that kind of power!! What am I going to do when she goes to private school and it's mandatory?? I will milk it as long as I can, like Santa Claus in July! You better be good otherwise Santa isn't coming to our house this year! I love it!!

Ok, so this past Wednesday was picture day. You know how picture day went in school... Your mother always dressed you freakishly out of the norm, dolled your hair up in pigtails or whatever so you could have this embarrassing moment etched into your head for the rest of your waking life. You can show all of your friends that your mom "knew" how to dress you in the most popular of styles. Well, I had the option to dress her in her "clown outfit" of sorts, but chose not to. I decided to keep it simple and dress her in just "nicer" clothes. She still looked the same, no make up, no pig tails, just my little girl in all of her evilness or as angelic as she can be, take it as you will! So Emily wore, purple corduroy pants and a nice matching fall colored striped shirt. I had to put her hair like "half up" because about a week ago we decided to cut our hair, again!! I swear… my child will be a stripper, porn star or a beautician! These are traits that she has shown me she likes... What a great mom I am! She likes to be naked, dance on top of laundry baskets, and now cut her hair! I need to take her to the Science Museum, Library, Zoo or mall a little more often... She does have other interests... but those are the funny ones!

So I finish doing her hair; all the while she is sniffling... You know how kids "suck" their snot back in instead of blowing it out? That is so irritating! So I tell her, let's blow your nose! But mom I don't want to… I say, "Let’s do this! All you have to do is…" And I show her how to blow out of her nose by me doing it. *Insert sound effect now* Well there’s nothing in my nose so nothing came out, thankfully. Not thinking Emily does the same thing while I am showing her what to do. She tips her head back and mimics what I was/am doing. All the while, I thought I was going to end up with snot all over my chest as I had her standing on the “john” to help me out with the height difference. I grab a tissue and say, let’s try it again… Before I can even move my hand the whole inch, she’s trying it AGAIN-- head tipped back and all-- LET 'ER BLOW!!! I guess she learned something today… If she’s ever working out in a field harvesting crops she can always blow her nose like a pro.

Next is Lesson Number Two: Trying to blow your nose like a lady!!

Oh, and by the way... I didn't end up with snot anywhere on me, so it was a good day!

Sorry—a long tangent for a short story!!