Freak show anyone???

A few years ago I was crocheting an afghan for my aunt as a gift. I worked on this thing all the time as I had a deadline to finish it before we were set to travel back to Wisconsin. Towards the end I was taking this thing with me everywhere to finish, like the car!

We were living with my mother-in-law at the time saving money to build our house and we had discussed going to the store to get ice cream. I said sure we could go, let me finish this row. Me "finishing this row" was a nice way of blowing you off... I am anal and don't like to finish mid-row... I would be done with a row and my hubby wouldn't be paying attention, so I would start another row. This went on for about an hour... Then he finally asked are we leaving?? I was done at that point. When finished crocheting I would roll up the afghan and stick the crochet hook in straight up and down to hold it together.

As a joke my hubby said I just want to pull the yarn out... Because he was annoyed with me obsessing over this thing.

In a split second he motioned to me and the afghan rolled up on the floor with the crochet hook sticking out. In defense of my hard work I stomped my foot on my work... A few seconds later (in slow motion) my foot feels hot. I lean over to touch my foot and my hubby leaps on me and tackles me to the floor. All of a sudden he's yelling "DON'T PULL IT OUT"! I then try to touch the hook protruding out of the top of my foot. It looked so surreal... I couldn't believe that just happened to me...

Within a few minutes I am in the back of my mother-in-law's yacht (Mercury Grand Marquis) laying in the backseat with my father-in-law driving, err..., shall I say hauling ass to the emergency room. We had a small two-seater truck that I couldn't lay down in... So my hubby was lagging behind. My father-in-law was doing oh, about 80-90MPH in a 35.... And I was laying down, moaning in pain. I didn't feel this thing go in, but it sure was throbbing.

We get to the hospital and I get out into a wheelchair and I had grabbed a towel to hang over my foot as I didn't want small children to see the injury. It could be traumatic to a little one. The little pressure of the towel hanging off of the tip of the crochet hook hurt like hell... But I dealt with it.

I checked in and was called to Triage after waiting for about 30 minutes or so. I was then brought into the "real" ER versus the MedExpress side. I was in a room down a long hallway looking out towards the entrance of the ER... Once I was settled I had my nurse come in to get my medical history, etc... Shortly thereafter, my husband was excused from the room and I was then greeted by the same nurse asking me about domestic violence. Getting the whole, "Well you know it's ok to tell us, schpeal". Um, yeah whatever! If my husband wanted to beat me or stab me with something I am sure he would have thought of something better than a crochet hook and a better place than my foot you moron! So I say that, but kindly leave the moron part out of it.

After a bit the doctor comes in... at this point I don't remember if I had pain meds or not... I was just dealing with the pain. High tolerence I would assume. He tries to assess the situation and how he will be taking this thing out of my foot. He leaves perplexed... A few minutes later I get more nurses, doctors coming in to take a look at my freah show foot. Then I have to explain the story and they are all shocked that something like this could happen... Well it was shift change too which created more traffic! Just what I needed...

During the middle of all of this I have to go to the bathroom. Who knew this would be such a production? Not me!! I had to have an orderly come in to assist me into a wheelchair... Take me to the bathroom, help me pull my pants down because I couldn't balance. And once done she had to help me pull them up. Going to the bathroom essentially one legged is impossible!

I am asked to go to Radiology... the wheel me into the X-Ray room... I have to explain my story, again to the tech. She then started to take the films... Contort your leg this way, move that way... "I am sorry that hurts, it will just be another minute" she says... I say, "Oh, it's ok..." Like a moron.

Well good news... I didn't break any bones visibally... THANK GOD! The hook went clear through two metatarsals and just rubbed against my second metatarsal which could pose a problem later. So I didn't have to have a cast or surgery! AMEN! (The hook was between my second and third metatarsal... Please disregard the two lines in pink and blue....)

I get situated back into my bed or board, whichever you'd like to call it. I try to get as comfortable as I can... The door is still open and I see my doctor in some medical tool drawer pulling out different plier looking things with the motion like he's pulling something out. Um, yeah... he's trying to practice removing the hook with the medical tools. Another doctor came by him and I see him put one in his pocket and he came into my room... He looked at my foot and made the same motion with this whimpy ass tool. He left.

The nurse comes in and says we are going to give you some meds... I said well give me something good, because if I feel this come out I will flip my lid! So she said roll over on your side... Ok... She gives me some pain killer in my hip or right butt cheek! Oh my god! It hurt like hell! But after the meds went their way I was on cloud nine!

The doctors that were at the medical tool box or whatever came into the room... He pulls a pair of Craftsmen pliers out of his pocket. Nothing medical about this. This is a hardcore tool that you use on wood or something. Not on bones! Not on me! The seditive and pain killer they gave me made me like a pussy cat... I was ok with anything... Just take it out I said... I turn my head, hold the hubby's hand and before I knew it this crochet hook that was impaled in my foot was out. There wasn't any bleeding and I only felt a little pressure when it was removed.

I waited for a bit for "recovery" or shall I say my hubby did, while I passed out. I was sent on my merry way and had to go to an orthopedic doctor the next day. Since this was my right foot, I couldn't drive or anything... We borrowed crutches from a friend and I gimped around that way... Might I say that crutches are very uncomfortable and difficult to figure out from a person who has never had to use them before.

I go to the doctor and he looks at my foot and says everything is fine and I am sent on my way... A few months later I am having problems... I go back to the same office different, younger doctor... Oh Melissa, you have a hairline fracture... You need to be in a cast for three weeks... Fucking wonderful! I am petrified... Never been in a cast.... But I oblige and go for it... For three weeks I have to be dropped off/picked up from work and gimp around my office... I was so uncomfortable in this thing... My calf itched all of the time. The doctor said to put cornstarch in there to get rid of the itching... Well my husband would pour errr, dump this stuff into my cast to where I would have cornstarch clouds poofing out of the foot of my cast and the top of it everytime I took a step. Yeah... uncool... But once it's in there it's not coming out... So I dealt with it.

So in closing, yes I am long winded... What's the moral of the story????

Don't blow off your husband for ice cream otherwise you will turn into a freak show at the emergency room!!



Technorati Tag(s) Crochet, Crochet Hook, Afghan, Emergency Room, X-Ray