As a parent lately I have been asking myself why hasn't my child come with an instruction booklet??? She has thrown so many different things at me in her short life, which really makes me wish there was a guide out there.
I mean... there have been moments that I have taken having a child for granted... I guess to a point every parent does. I would have never come to that epiphany unless I was told I have secondary infertility... I never realized how much I appreciate my little person until I wanted to have another child... Having another child has been a dream of mine since the day Em was born. I ask myself, am I being punished because I am a bad parent? Am I to be gifted with only one? I enjoyed being pregnant to the point it made my friends sick... is that a sin? What about the people who get pregnant by looking at one another? Do they really appreciate the fact they have beautiful families without shedding blood, sweat and tears? Have they had to go through emotional heartbreak month after month? Wishing...? Hoping...? Praying...?
I see these families out and about with an excessive amount of children and I wonder did you really want all of those kids? I hear of teenage girls having abortions (to each their own--debate I will not get into)... What about people like me who has had difficulties conceiving another child? What are you going to do when you are 10 years older and want a child? I hear of women complaining of their pregnancies... Don't you think that there are millions of other women, who would literally die to be in your shoes??? Hell, I know I am one of them.
I just want nothing more to be a good mother, a patient mother, an understanding mother... Oh the list goes on... I just know that I don't want to be like my mom to my daughter and it scares the fucking crap out of me...
These are all raw thoughts not thought out at all... So this is my mind vomit... Thanks for making it to the end...
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