My upcoming D-Day, otherwise known as B-Day

Well... thankfully today is another day. I woke up, am alive, healthy, etc.

I have a birthday coming up pretty quickly... It's September 7th and this year I am going to be the golden age of 27. You may ask why I make a "big deal" of my turning one year older, but it's more than that. See I lost my father when I was 4 years old. When my father passed away he was 27 which is why this is such a pivotal year for me and me revisiting my true meaning on this earth. The other part is that my daughter is now 4 and the numbers didn't hit me hard until her birthday in June... So for almost 3 months I have been flipping out having a mid-life crises per se hoping that D-Day would never come to fruition. Although I can not take the day away, skip it or hide from it. The inevitable is that I will be 27! I am hoping that this year will give me the strength that I need to get through the rest of my life.

I have been told for essentially my entire life to pick up and move on. You can not dwell over your father... Um... HELLO, he IS my father. He helped create me for Pete’s sake!!! I just can't forget him like a bad habit! I will agree that 23 years ago grievance counseling probably wasn't around and who knows how small children handle the loss of a close loved one. I have been hanging onto memories totaling less than 4 years. I mean how old were you when you had your first memory?? I'd say I can remember things to when I was about 3. But only because I have no choice to remember then otherwise I'd have nothing to hang onto. And that's it; I am hanging onto the legacy of my father. He was such a great man and I miss him SO much...

My true thoughts are to live each to day to its fullest and have no regrets when your head hits the pillow at night... But I am still having small regrets at night and I want to know that when I go to bed that I am happy with what I have accomplished up unto this point. I mean I have had a pretty nice life... I built my house at 22 along with having my beautiful daughter all within the same year. So I am pretty fortunate to have all of that. But I want to seize the day!!

Writing this has actually become quite cathartic and is helping me to deal with the issue at hand... But I need to live what I preach.

As always... thanks for those of you who are reading... Normally I am not so depressing!!